Cat Power

On December 24, I finished all of my Christmas shopping and headed into Borders to pick up a CD for myself. Cat Power's "The Greatest" jumped out at me because I'd remembered her performing the title track on "Jools Holland". The show had left me amazed at her gorgeous howl of a voice, and she'd made an impression. After listening to the album over and over in awe, my impression was solidified. "She's like a darker, more soulful Feist," I told myself.


How utterly incorrect I was.

The famous Jools Holland vid that awed my ears.

I was completely ignorant to Chan Marshall's past. Had I known that "The Greatest" is the sound that came after Chan emerged from a long tunnel of darkness, my perceptions of the artist "Cat Power" wouldn't have been so... wrong. When I downloaded the earlier works of Cat Power, expecting the music to be in the same vein of the soulful "The Greatest," I was a bit shocked at just how sad pre-"Greatest" really is. On the albums "The Greatest" and "Jukebox," I desire nothing more than to curl up in Chan's vocals and drift away to a peaceful sleep. Listening to the albums "Dear Sir," "Myra Lee," "What Would the Community Think," "Moon Pix," and "You Are Free," however, makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and cry. It's not that the songs aren't beautiful, for they are, and quite a few leave me entranced. But I'm also hit by all of the sorrow and pain reflected in the repetitive guitar lines and in Chan's delivery-- her voice reflects this emptiness and hopelessness that draws you into her half-glass-empty world. Yet after some research, I find that Chan's glass always used to be full; that is, up until around five years ago, she struggled pretty heavily with alcoholism, as well as depression and suicidal thoughts.


Her lyrics scream of all three of her issues, and I've assembled a handful of her more self-disparaging songs with the heaviest of statements.


ICE WATER
"I feel just like/ Some great big disease."
Chan's lyrics, though self-depreciating, are pretty relatable at times.


COLORS AND THE KIDS
"I could stay here, become someone different/ I could stay here, become someone better"
Apart from this line, where I imagine her throwing her head back and shouting to the sky, this song is filled with a conversational whisper.


ENOUGH
"They can't find/ Enough to take from me"
When Chan sings this song, I almost think it's about all that is expected from artists-- how everybody wants a piece of what the artist has. But Chan is so down that she feels she has nothing to give.


GOOD CLEAN FUN
"Hey, I'm run down on my luck/ Hey, can I have something from you/ It seems I have nothing to give/ It seems you have nothing to give"
She not only feels that she has nothing to give as an artist, but also feels as though she has nothing to offer just simply as a person. No one has any desire to help her out, either.


METAL HEART
"Losing a star without a sky/ Losing the reasons why/ You're losing the calling, you've been faking/ And I'm not kidding/ It's damned if you don't and it's damned if you do/ be true 'cause they'll lock you up in a sad sad zoo"
This song always makes me picture a person's downward spiral. He or she really has nothing left but their own depression, and they're a bit afraid they'll be caged, possibly in a madhouse.


NOT WHAT YOU WANT
"I am not what you want/ There's no telling how long I'll be here"
Chan pretty much yells the whole way through this song, and it makes me cry.

CROSS BONES STYLE

"Oh, come child, in a cross bones style/ Oh, come child, come and rescue me/ 'Cause you have seen some unbelievable things"

Though Chan is singing of horrors unseen by her listeners, the video pretty much kicks some 90's ass. She looks rather content as she enters her trance-like dance and as she rollerskates around. Yet the video, while Chan stares head on into the camera accompanied by the odd collection of back-up dancers, is indescribably creepy. The tune definitely cannot be described as happy, while the video can't be described as sad. What's weird, though, is that the video perfectly complements the song.

After playing all five albums on repeat for the past three days, I kind of want to die. She's emitting such an amount of pain and depression that is transferred directly to the listener. As beautiful as Chan Marshall's voice is, I don't know why I keep putting myself through all this misery. But I don't despair too much, for I know that Chan emerges from her black hole and finds a bit of light. Comparing her older live performance videos to her current ones show a significant change in demeanor; for one, she is engaged with the audience, and she has happiness in her eyes. I've read articles (as well as many Youtube comments) in the past few days, claiming that Cat Power was overall a better artist as a depressed and suicidal alcoholic. This ignorance made me laugh. Of course her music doesn't sound the same as it did when she was struggling with heavy, personal problems. She got sober, she got happy, and her music reflects her change one-hundred percent. She needs to be appreciated as the gorgeous phoenix that she is: yes, she burnt out for awhile, but she reached back up to greatness, and both sides are beautiful.







PS: I'd totally been pronouncing her name, "Chan," as it looks. Then I read an article that taught me it's pronounced "Shawn." This reminded me of when I kept calling Bon Iver "Bawn Eye-Verrrr."* It's supposed to be Bone ee-VAIR, I believe.


*I still do this even though I now know better.